Kauffman’session room smells like somebody smoked a hundred cigarretes. It makes me cough. Victoria opens the windows behind Kauffman’s desk and in a few minutes the room smells fresh again. Kauffman is late; he is never late. I find myself feeling worried.
Victoria didn’t handcuff me to the chair today, which has lifted my mood a bit. I feel free. My mind is empty; I have no thoughts to ponder upon. I don’t even think about Henry. I sit up straight with mother’s voice in my head telling me how good posture is important. She always instilled that upon me while growing up in London. How I missed her as I sat there looking out the window.
It was a rather warm January morning. A mockingbird chirped a song on a high branch of an oak tree right outside Kauffman’s session room. A brown rabbit searching for his morning grub lurked around the tree. I wondered if he had a family and how they waited patiently for him to come back. I hummed as the mockingbird sang it’s song and when it was done it flew away into the ocean blue sky. If only I could go outside and feel the sun on my skin. I desperately yearned to have the wind blow through my long red hair and flush my cheeks.
I suddenly hear Kauffman’s footsteps rushing towards the room. I know this by the clanking noise they make similar to a women’s pumps. They are annoying to hear but he doesn’t care what people think.
“I’m terribly sorry. I overslept.”Kauffman said breathlessly as he headed towards his desk. He did look tired; his eyes were puffy and dark. His clothes were wrinkled. Nevertheless, he managed to maintain his perfectly groomed dark brown hair, parted to the left. He always kept his hair well-groomed.
Victoria went over to him and started massaging his shoulders after he had sat down.
“There-there relax”She said to him.
“That does feel nice”Kauffman smiled with eyes closed. This angered me for some reason. Was I jealous? I quickly adverted my gaze to the window again, while Kauffman and Victoria went over notes.
I didn’t notice I had fallen into a trance; staring out the window. I was far away in my mind when I heard distant voices screaming my name. Gradually the voices grew louder; realizing it was Kauffman and Victoria announcing the start of the session. I shook myself back to the present.
“Now that we’re all back, let’s continue where we had left off the last time”Kauffman said to me.
“You were at your Uncle’s apartment” he continued.
“Yes” I replied.
“Let’s begin” Kauffman responded opening up his journal to a blank page as I began telling my story.
The next morning, Uncle Leo, had made us a big breakfast as well. That man really loved to cook. He made us French Toast, scrambled eggs, waffles and pancakes, freshly squeezed orange juice, oatmeal raisin muffins, fruit bowl with yogurt, coffee, strawberry milkshakes, bacon, sausages and grilled cheese sandwiches.
I took a bit of everything. It was so good. My jaw dropped when I saw how Victoria had stuffed her plate so high with food.
“Aren you really going to eat all of that” I asked her in total disbelief.
“Yes”she mouthed back with a mouth full of scrambled eggs and bacon. She did in fact eat it all and had herself a second helping. Uncle Leo was actually flattered by this. He urged me to eat more but I gracefully declined.
It was about 11 a.m. by the time we had left Uncle Leo’s apartment, bloated from the delicious breakfast we had just eaten. Before leaving, he had handed me a stack full of cash. At first I didn’t want to take it but I needed the money since I hadn’t found a job yet.
Outside the temperature was of Spring not of Winter at all that November morning while Victoria and I waited for our taxi. There wasn’t much people outside either. We didn’t have to wait long for the taxi; it arrived 10 minutes after we had called for it. There wasn’t much traffic so the trip home was a breeze.
Entering into our building’s main floor, we met with one of Victoria’s friends, named Alexis. She had been waiting for the elevator when we had entered. She had long blonde hair that reached her waist, wore a plum colored wool coat, black stockings and chocolate brown boots.
When she saw Victoria she smiled, “Victoria, how are you?!” she exclaimed as she rushed to give Victoria a hug.
“I’m fine, thanks. And you?”Victoria said to her. They talked for a few minutes until Alexis asked Victoria who I was.
“Where are my manners, Alexis, this is Elizabeth, my new roommate. She just moved here from England.”
“How do you do”Alexis smiled at me as she stretched out her hand for me to shake. At that moment, we heard the elevator doors open and I turned to face Henry. We smiled at each other. His ocean blue eyes glistening as the sun hit his face. I tried very hard not to blush.
“Fancy seeing you again”he said to me.
“Had an all-nighter, I see” he told me, pointing at my clothes. I tugged at my black sweater, slightly embarrased.
“Kind-of, we stayed over at my Uncle Leo’s apartment” I replied.
“What are you doing now? Want to grab coffee?” he asked.
“We just had a big breakfast at my Uncle’s, I don’t think I could fit anything anymore. Can I take a raincheck?” I laughed.
“Definitely, maybe later we can go out?” He smiled at me.
“Yes, maybe later”I smiled back.
“Here’s looking at you kid” He said to me as he hugged me goodbye. I watched him walk out the building and take a left down the street.
“Are you two a thing now?” Victoria said walking up behind me into the elevator.
“No, I just met him” I responded.
“It looks like he likes you” Victoria snorted.
“I don’t know…maybe” I replied.
“I can’t focus on that now, I have too many things to do” I continued.
“So serious” Victoria laughed. I didn’t bother to respond. Arriving at our apartment, I quickly headed towards my room remaining in there while I finished unpacking the rest of my luggage. It was well past four when I had finished unpacking and organizing my things.
Victoria didn’t know how to cook and I was too tired to do so-so we ended up ordering a pizza. We ate it while watching a movie in the living room with a bottle of red wine. We didn’t really talk much during the movie and after it was done, Victoria went to her room and stayed there the rest of the evening. I cleaned up and watched TV until midnight then went to bed.
I had hoped Henry would have come over but felt silly thinking about him. I didn’t know much about him and already had taken a shine to him.
“Did you ever go on a date with him? Kauffman asked suddenly, breaking my train of thought.
“Yes, but that’s later in the story” I said not looking at him.
“Have you remembered anything about the murder?” he asked me. This took me off guard and caused me to midly hyperventalate.
“No!”I yelled, starting to cry.
“I see…”he said, then called for Victoria to bring me my lunch. I wasn’t too sure about telling him the two visions I had been having where in one I hold a bloody bat and in the other a bloody knife while an unidentified man lays on the floor, dead. I couldn’t be sure that those visions or dreams were actual flashbacks.
I eat my lunch slowly, not wanting to talk with Kauffman anymore. He has been hostile to me for a few weeks now and I don’t like it at all. Victoria seems to be enjoying his sudden change in attitude towards me. I recoil in dismay. To my surprise, kauffman decides to end the session early and am left in the community room with a few other patients. I don’t talk to them. I sit on a brown sofa near a large glass window facing the grounds.
I stare out the window, thinking about how tired looking Kauffman had been. I was worried about him. He wasn’t himself these days. Now I find myself watching the other patients go about the community room but lose interest quickly.
“Junior,” a fifth year patient, waves to me from a chess table across the room.We called him “Junior” because he is a second generation patient. His father had been emitted here many years ago. He plays by himself. I smile at him. He sports a shaved head, an over-sized black t-shirt and blue asylum issued pajama pants. He wore no shoes.
In my periphery, I see Molly walking towards me.
“You can go back to your room until we come get you for dinner” she says to me. I slowly make my way to my room. As I make a right turn towards the hallway that leads to my room, I see him. Henry. He is by the exit doors that lead down to the basement. He smiles at me then disappears through the exit doors. I run after him. I make my way down to the basement screaming for Henry. He is nowhere to be found in the dimly lit maze.
I soon realize that I am lost and start to cry. Then I feel strong warm hands grab at my shoulders and turn me around to face Kauffman. He holds me tight to his chest and I let myself be soothed by his embrace. He is kind and gentle as he leads me to his office for a cup of hot Chamomile tea.
I tell him what happened and he just nods. He walks over to his disc player and soon it starts to play an old American Swing song. He comes over to where I am sitting and pulls me up by my hands to dance. He twirls me around and I laugh like a school girl. Then he pulls me close and kisses me on my forehead. He traces his fingers on my lips and I pull away.
I open my eyes and find myself in my room on the floor, shivering. It was just a dream.