Beatriz Bentley: Brainwashing, Evil and other Psychological Failures

The Vanity Society at my high school enjoys playing cruel tricks on unsuspecting students who they deem unworthy to be part of their delusions of grandeur perspective. Let me explain.

They test under-privileged prospects that they toy with and haze to see if they would break or mold themselves into them. Meaning sadistic narcissistic and evil human beings without souls. They wear North Face in the Winter and you’re not one of them if you don’t wear it. They find other’s people’s pain entertaining just like Regina from Mean Girls.

However, I’m the exception. They tried many times to induct me into their disgusting rituals but I refused to be part of it. It don’t appease them at all. They ran smear campaigns against me in the 8th grade, sent me disgusting spam about dating various unkindly people, even went as far as to slander me. They even tried to brainwash me into thinking I was of a another religion and race. I, of course, outsmarted their every insidious move. I heard one rumor that I was a slut when I’ve never been with a guy in my life. However, at the end of the day they are just words.

Eventually they grew tired of me and moved on to other less clever people. Sometimes they try to see if I would fall for them; like sending undesirables to catch my attention but I always carry pepper spray and I laugh inside. This year they’ve kept their distance. You see the thing about brainwashing and psychological manipulation is only the weak minded are susceptible to them.

If you find yourself falling for a society leader without knowing about it, you’re in for a world of torment. They ridicule, harass, and even terrorize you via the web. Tyler was a society leader and I didn’t know. He didn’t like me, he just wanted to use me, lead me on and ruin me. I didn’t know. I’m usually good at sensing vibes but this time I was taken off guard. The conspiracy had already begun and I was playing the part of the complete fool.

They say when bad things happen they are suppose to serve as valuable lessons. The cruelty of humans against humans ceases to amaze me. He wanted to destroy my life and turn me into trash. He wanted to ruin my family and my reputation. Thing was I could fly, the skies were my forte. But this is just the prelude, the gritty details come in another chapter.

(Airplanes)  Let them know that you know.

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Beatriz Bentley: The Green-Eyed Scientist

Crush Radio Tyler seemed to occupy my mind these days. I tried hard not to think about him but I did. I forced myself not to; engulfing myself in my work but my efforts to avoid him were futile.

Apparently I couldn’t completely avoid him in gym class. Our insufferable stickler for rules, gym teacher, Mr. O’Connor, paired me with him during a badminton game. He made us shake hands before the game. Tyler strutted towards me in his cut-out muscle navy muscle sleeve shirt, grey sweatpants, and DC white and black sneakers. He smelled of tobacco and was sucking on a cherry lollipop.

“I thought you were smart” I smirked.

“What?” he responded with an attitude.

“Smoking is a killer” I responded, annoyed.

“Do you have anything else to say?” he laughed. He was obviously not interested in small talk. When he extended his hand for me to shake, I slapped it away and returned to my post; positioning myself ready to start the game.

“Fiesty” he yelled at me. I ignored him. Mr. O’Connor was not pleased. He gave me a disapproving look.

“Be nice, Beatriz” Mr. O’Connor said to me. I faked a smile. The game was against two other freshman’s which I didn’t bother to remember their names. It was a ruthless game and I won. Well, Tyler and I won. I was fast and he was strategic. We made a great team.  After it was over, we were both sweating like pigs. Tyler lifted his shirt to wipe away the sweat from his face exposing a masterpiece of hard-rock abs. His white skin glistening even under the gym’s fluorescent lights. I quickly looked away.

I could not let this obnoxious green-eyed intelligent yet very so handsome jerk impair my focus. I knew exactly what I had to do. Suddenly, something unexpected happen. He walked up to me and started talking to me.

“Great game, Beatriz. You’ve got a strong swing” he smiled at me. I just stared and nodded as if I was an emotionless robot. He was trying to get to know me but I was frozen and scared of this new development in our relationship. I could only manage to give him a thumbs up.

“You know I have done all that science thing, I’m looking for new challenging ventures.” He continued. I just nodded again and looked away.

“Please excuse me but I have to go” I said, half screaming at him as I ran to the girl’s locker room. I lay against the lockers trying to calm my ever so rapidly beating heart beat.

Could it be that he likes me? So many thoughts ran through my mind but I quickly dismissed them. We could never be friends. He was a senior, a popular senior at that. He could never be friends with the likes of me.

“Do you have anything else to say?” repeats in my mind over and over again. I have so many things to say, I hear myself whisper.

The Green-Eyed Scientist with the hard-rock abs was put in the back of my mind as I went on to my other classes and pretended like nothing ever happened.

Beatriz Bentley: The Elements Game

It’s been a whole week; that’s seven days since I started high school. But who’s counting. I suppose a short recap is in order. Everyone in all my classes think I’m weird except for Jessica. She made me handshake people in the hallways and introduce myself to them. I felt like stabbing myself in the neck. 

To tell you the truth, the only mildly interesting thing that happened to me was in my Spanish class. Yes, I know, I’m Hispanic, but it never hurts to re-educate yourself in your native tongue, but I digress. His name is Tyler. He’s a green-eyed blonde haired senior. Most silly girls would find him dreamy but I’ve fallen for his brain. I heard around school that he’s suppose to be this science wiz and I’m hoping to check out his formulas. Thing is, he finds me annoying. 

He laughs when he gets nervous just like me. Ugh, that is such a girl thing to say. He mocked me the second day of class because I didn’t greet him. I just headed to my seat and sat there staring at my book pretending no one was in the room. 

He had the nerve to make up a song about me; “Rude Beatriz, never says hello, so I ask myself, why won’t she ever say hi?!” I gave him my signature evil eyes only to be mocked and laughed at by the rest of the class. I know I’m anti-social and lack charisma; my therapist is working on that.

Tyler could be such a jerk sometimes. Then on Friday, a strange thing happened, he gave me a compliment. I was discussing a formula with a fellow squint when he so abruptly interrupted us and praised me for knowing the correct elements. 

“Beatriz knows her elements”, he said. I tried not to smile but I was filled with joy that he acknowledge my existence and work. Here’s the kicker, I’m weird. I got angry about it because I didn’t want to smile. I didn’t want to feel like his praise meant something to me. I was furious. How dare he make me feel special. I’m not special. I’m just Beatriz.

I rolled my eyes at him and stormed off. He yelled, “What a psycho!” I hate myself sometimes. I plan on ignoring him for the rest of the school year. My therapist says I have deep emotional issues. I ate a whole bag of dollar store brownies and watched a marathon of Power Rangers. 

That night I dreamed I was playing an Elements Game with Tyler. His green eyes digging into my dark brown ones; sinking into my brain draining me of substance. His blonde buzz cut glistening white skin and weight-lifting muscular arms paralyzing me completely stupid. 

I woke up shaking. No more brownies before bed. However little did I know that there was more to these Element Games. 

Beatriz Bentley: It’s A Boy!

Innocence is taken for granted. Most are rushing to be grown-ups, never taking the time to really enjoy their childhood. Already since entering Black Horse High School, I have spotted 7 pregnant girls. There life is already over.

I’ve had my share of peer pressure but I’m not stupid. Besides most people think I’m gay or they just call me a “Tomboy. I do judge them and I don’t feel bad about it. I am a complicated Catholic. 

I mean sex is off putting, to me , that is. I don’t even know what sex is nor a vagina. I have no interest in it, whatsoever. The River Woods School system really did a number on me. They brainwashed me into staying a virgin for the rest of my life. 

Do you know what happens to a women’s vagina when she has a baby?! No, thank you! I suppose I have the Peter Pan Syndrome where I just remain innocent forever. It calls for concern that I’m not mentally nor emotionally capable of handling or grasping that adult realization. 

I sit here on the East Wing bench, people watching. Soon all these people will get married and have kids. For me, that is not an option. I don’t think I will ever be able to comprehend what sex is. It’s terrifying for one and a complete invasion. I refuse to be part of it. I shall remain untouched and unloved. 

I hear the bell ring signaling my next class. Gym Class! I play basketball with the boys and compete with them on who burps the loudest. Jessica plays with us too but she doesn’t par-take in the burping. 

The guys call me, “Dude” and ask me to join them in weight lifting. That’s how I fell in love with weight lifting. The rest of the day is a blur filled with math, science, history and English classes that I dominated most of the time.

When I get home, my brother shouts, “It’s a boy!” and I’m not offended at all. Nice to see you too, bro. I respond with a smile and head up to my room; just another day being me. 

Beatriz signing out. 

Bill Nye the Science is on right now! Get out! 

Beatriz Bentley

This morning I decided to paint my face with over-priced make-up because society would judge me if I didn’t. You see if I don’t present myself as pretty, guys won’t like me and I’ll ultimately end up alone. I wouldn’t mind being the crazy cat lady who enjoys tormenting unsuspecting strangers.  Then again I don’t like cats, more of a dog person. My therapist says I’m anti-social but I beg to differ; I’m just highly selective of who I talk to or not. It’s just that simple.

Today is the first day of school, high school that is. I don’t bother to even dress decent either. I wear my usual batman t-shirt, American Eagle jeans and green Converse sneakers. Most people would say I was a tomboy but I would have to disagree with them. I just don’t care about clothes. As I write all this in this stupid journal, that my therapist also gave me along with anti-depressant and anxiety drugs, I cringe at the thought of a new school year.

Everyone knows who I am. The rich smart girl with mental issues. Girls hate me and I don’t fancy them neither. I’m one of the dudes. My only friend is a German born gymnast named, Jessica. She’s the only girl who gets me. We love making fun of the pretty dumb girls who’s only purpose in life is to shop and people who give themselves labels, such as, nerds, geeks, ect.

I am a human being and that is all. Perhaps an intellectual savant at times but please don’t’ label me a nerd or a geek; it’s so constricting. Like an onion, I have many layers.

So, here I go, entering the unknown abyss every freshmen barely comprehends, high school. It won’t be pretty; there will be blood, sweat and tears and maybe a few psychotic episodes.

I’m sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Beatriz. Beatriz Bentley. Wait, that didn’t sound like James Bond at all. Who cares, I’m not perfect (Yes, I am.)