Tag Archives: life

Beatriz Bentley

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This morning I decided to paint my face with over-priced make-up because society would judge me if I didn’t. You see if I don’t present myself as pretty, guys won’t like me and I’ll ultimately end up alone. I wouldn’t mind being the crazy cat lady who enjoys tormenting unsuspecting strangers.  Then again I don’t like cats, more of a dog person. My therapist says I’m anti-social but I beg to differ; I’m just highly selective of who I talk to or not. It’s just that simple.

Today is the first day of school, high school that is. I don’t bother to even dress decent either. I wear my usual batman t-shirt, American Eagle jeans and green Converse sneakers. Most people would say I was a tomboy but I would have to disagree with them. I just don’t care about clothes. As I write all this in this stupid journal, that my therapist also gave me along with anti-depressant and anxiety drugs, I cringe at the thought of a new school year.

Everyone knows who I am. The rich smart girl with mental issues. Girls hate me and I don’t fancy them neither. I’m one of the dudes. My only friend is a German born gymnast named, Jessica. She’s the only girl who gets me. We love making fun of the pretty dumb girls who’s only purpose in life is to shop and people who give themselves labels, such as, nerds, geeks, ect.

I am a human being and that is all. Perhaps an intellectual savant at times but please don’t’ label me a nerd or a geek; it’s so constricting. Like an onion, I have many layers.

So, here I go, entering the unknown abyss every freshmen barely comprehends, high school. It won’t be pretty; there will be blood, sweat and tears and maybe a few psychotic episodes.

I’m sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Beatriz. Beatriz Bentley. Wait, that didn’t sound like James Bond at all. Who cares, I’m not perfect (Yes, I am.)

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Métamorphose

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We come from different places,
speak various languages,
articulate individualistic perspectives,
in this moment in time,
now we understand,
the path we walk on,
is more than just dreams and personal direction,
it’s a wavering journey.

Some people need help to get to where they need to be,
others are strong enough to make things happen on their own,
but in life it’s all about participation,
connecting with others and learning new things,
diving into the pages of a great book,
dancing in the rain,
swimming in the ocean,
telling your crush you like them even if it hurts,
and realizing that your grandparents have actually enlightened you.

Accepting your flaws,
knowing you might be a jerk, selfish, or bit eccentric,
when you don’t have your morning coffee,
not taking your parents for granted,
because when they’re gone-they’re gone,
and learning to save your money,
because blowing it at the mall doesn’t make sense anymore.

Deciding to ride your bike around town,
because you know the trees will love you for it,
and fresh air and a bit of exercise is good for you,
not crying a thousand tears when you boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you,
because like a bus there will always be another around the corner,
even when you make a million mistakes,
you are not discouraged,
you live life to the fullest,
because things always turn out Great at the end.

And so you leave your childish years behind,
and move on to the grown up world,
but you will always be a kid at heart,
you’ll create a whole new life for yourself,
and yes there will be hardship and pain,
but that’s life,
and you will make the best of it,
with all the enthusiasm you can muster,
while growing older and taking bigger strides,
you’ll marry the one you’ve been waiting for all your life,
and you’ll be really happy,
but eventually you’ll be at your end,
and having no regrets,
you’ll greet death like an old friend.

But for now,
enjoy the ride,
participate,
have many experiences,
make a lot of friends,
make mistakes and learn from them,
read a lot of books but question everything,
know who you are and never let anyone tell you who to be,
give it your all,
it’s time to begin,
this is it,
transformation.

Das Leben tanzen

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Asperse in me what is divine,

whatever betides hold me close,

in a vision the inscrutable gives light,

we succumb to an auspicious night,

fancy this wretched lady?,

heart beating like a drum,

facing life like a true warrior,

at dawn we march on.

 

They sing,

belaboring their pain after it had been ceased,

hurting themselves intentionally,

while the trees make their presence known through the wind,

I take pride in purity,

in there lies my strenght,

seemingly ambivalent but I believe the sun will rise again,

the fever taking over from my heart to my mind,

facing life with the vultures nipping at my legs,

I march on to the place I call “Paradise”.

 

There I yearn for the waters,

that take comfort in my womb,

reenacting the visions in my head,

He did not see them,

but he heard my yelp,

so we were facing life,

dancing once again,

and my heart grows hollow,

not wanting to touch,

not afraid to grow old,

just facing life though aphotic,

there is light,

the voices in my head grow louder,

demons seek to take hold of me,

but I started to dance again,

facing life without fear,

and the voices rejoiced in my new-found glory.

 

Although the demons may try to devour my mind,

I grew stronger,

my body moved to the ancient drums,

and I danced once again,

facing life.

Ertränken

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O’ Mighty river,

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!,

Thou has forsaken me,

with ravaged leaves and broken twigs,

deliberately thrust upon old aged rocks,

I plead not to become part of you,

but yet I am engulfed in your essence.

 

O’ Mighty river,

Hear Ye!, Hear Ye!,

Thou has forsaken me,

the unexpected blow leaves a throbbing pain,

What is it that you seek to gain?

I forget and ponder,

incessantly try to wander,

but I’m left to wonder,

and suddenly thou take me under.

 

O’ Mighty River,

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!,

Thou has forsaken me,

What Evil lingers here,

luring the passionate and curious souls,

ruthless in your wake,

even those who frivolously pray for mercy,

in no immediate danger,

you laugh and take them without remorse,

so Why do I plead for mercy?

I refuse to be taken in your arms,

and I fight you but I know you won’t let go.

 

O’ Mighty River,

Thou has forsaken me,

and I’m going under.