Poem: Chemicals

The chemicals start to react,

electricity runs through my veins,

said Honor be merry and blessed with wits,

fueled by an unknown reaction,

eyes burn like fire,

the dragon lies within.

The trolls lay in the horses manure,

blissfully unaware of the ravenous demons drawing near,

the wizard conjures them,

a twinkle in his eye,

so I the Apprentice must master the elements,

and so they are embody within me,

and just like that the chemicals react.

Bonding,

charged for battle,

a sting for the eyes,

electricity to stop a heart beat,

the demons keep away,

they taunt from a far but never get close,

the Apprentice as am I,

yields to the dragons,

a knight to die by honor only by a sword,

the Science that holds and breaks everything in this world,

and just like that the chemicals react,

a mutation so it was,

a hybrid,

the Apprentice as am I.

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Beatriz Bentley: Brainwashing, Evil and other Psychological Failures

The Vanity Society at my high school enjoys playing cruel tricks on unsuspecting students who they deem unworthy to be part of their delusions of grandeur perspective. Let me explain.

They test under-privileged prospects that they toy with and haze to see if they would break or mold themselves into them. Meaning sadistic narcissistic and evil human beings without souls. They wear North Face in the Winter and you’re not one of them if you don’t wear it. They find other’s people’s pain entertaining just like Regina from Mean Girls.

However, I’m the exception. They tried many times to induct me into their disgusting rituals but I refused to be part of it. It don’t appease them at all. They ran smear campaigns against me in the 8th grade, sent me disgusting spam about dating various unkindly people, even went as far as to slander me. They even tried to brainwash me into thinking I was of a another religion and race. I, of course, outsmarted their every insidious move. I heard one rumor that I was a slut when I’ve never been with a guy in my life. However, at the end of the day they are just words.

Eventually they grew tired of me and moved on to other less clever people. Sometimes they try to see if I would fall for them; like sending undesirables to catch my attention but I always carry pepper spray and I laugh inside. This year they’ve kept their distance. You see the thing about brainwashing and psychological manipulation is only the weak minded are susceptible to them.

If you find yourself falling for a society leader without knowing about it, you’re in for a world of torment. They ridicule, harass, and even terrorize you via the web. Tyler was a society leader and I didn’t know. He didn’t like me, he just wanted to use me, lead me on and ruin me. I didn’t know. I’m usually good at sensing vibes but this time I was taken off guard. The conspiracy had already begun and I was playing the part of the complete fool.

They say when bad things happen they are suppose to serve as valuable lessons. The cruelty of humans against humans ceases to amaze me. He wanted to destroy my life and turn me into trash. He wanted to ruin my family and my reputation. Thing was I could fly, the skies were my forte. But this is just the prelude, the gritty details come in another chapter.

(Airplanes)  Let them know that you know.

Beatriz Bentley: The Elements Game

It’s been a whole week; that’s seven days since I started high school. But who’s counting. I suppose a short recap is in order. Everyone in all my classes think I’m weird except for Jessica. She made me handshake people in the hallways and introduce myself to them. I felt like stabbing myself in the neck. 

To tell you the truth, the only mildly interesting thing that happened to me was in my Spanish class. Yes, I know, I’m Hispanic, but it never hurts to re-educate yourself in your native tongue, but I digress. His name is Tyler. He’s a green-eyed blonde haired senior. Most silly girls would find him dreamy but I’ve fallen for his brain. I heard around school that he’s suppose to be this science wiz and I’m hoping to check out his formulas. Thing is, he finds me annoying. 

He laughs when he gets nervous just like me. Ugh, that is such a girl thing to say. He mocked me the second day of class because I didn’t greet him. I just headed to my seat and sat there staring at my book pretending no one was in the room. 

He had the nerve to make up a song about me; “Rude Beatriz, never says hello, so I ask myself, why won’t she ever say hi?!” I gave him my signature evil eyes only to be mocked and laughed at by the rest of the class. I know I’m anti-social and lack charisma; my therapist is working on that.

Tyler could be such a jerk sometimes. Then on Friday, a strange thing happened, he gave me a compliment. I was discussing a formula with a fellow squint when he so abruptly interrupted us and praised me for knowing the correct elements. 

“Beatriz knows her elements”, he said. I tried not to smile but I was filled with joy that he acknowledge my existence and work. Here’s the kicker, I’m weird. I got angry about it because I didn’t want to smile. I didn’t want to feel like his praise meant something to me. I was furious. How dare he make me feel special. I’m not special. I’m just Beatriz.

I rolled my eyes at him and stormed off. He yelled, “What a psycho!” I hate myself sometimes. I plan on ignoring him for the rest of the school year. My therapist says I have deep emotional issues. I ate a whole bag of dollar store brownies and watched a marathon of Power Rangers. 

That night I dreamed I was playing an Elements Game with Tyler. His green eyes digging into my dark brown ones; sinking into my brain draining me of substance. His blonde buzz cut glistening white skin and weight-lifting muscular arms paralyzing me completely stupid. 

I woke up shaking. No more brownies before bed. However little did I know that there was more to these Element Games. 

Beatriz Bentley: It’s A Boy!

Innocence is taken for granted. Most are rushing to be grown-ups, never taking the time to really enjoy their childhood. Already since entering Black Horse High School, I have spotted 7 pregnant girls. There life is already over.

I’ve had my share of peer pressure but I’m not stupid. Besides most people think I’m gay or they just call me a “Tomboy. I do judge them and I don’t feel bad about it. I am a complicated Catholic. 

I mean sex is off putting, to me , that is. I don’t even know what sex is nor a vagina. I have no interest in it, whatsoever. The River Woods School system really did a number on me. They brainwashed me into staying a virgin for the rest of my life. 

Do you know what happens to a women’s vagina when she has a baby?! No, thank you! I suppose I have the Peter Pan Syndrome where I just remain innocent forever. It calls for concern that I’m not mentally nor emotionally capable of handling or grasping that adult realization. 

I sit here on the East Wing bench, people watching. Soon all these people will get married and have kids. For me, that is not an option. I don’t think I will ever be able to comprehend what sex is. It’s terrifying for one and a complete invasion. I refuse to be part of it. I shall remain untouched and unloved. 

I hear the bell ring signaling my next class. Gym Class! I play basketball with the boys and compete with them on who burps the loudest. Jessica plays with us too but she doesn’t par-take in the burping. 

The guys call me, “Dude” and ask me to join them in weight lifting. That’s how I fell in love with weight lifting. The rest of the day is a blur filled with math, science, history and English classes that I dominated most of the time.

When I get home, my brother shouts, “It’s a boy!” and I’m not offended at all. Nice to see you too, bro. I respond with a smile and head up to my room; just another day being me. 

Beatriz signing out. 

Bill Nye the Science is on right now! Get out! 

Beatriz Bentley

This morning I decided to paint my face with over-priced make-up because society would judge me if I didn’t. You see if I don’t present myself as pretty, guys won’t like me and I’ll ultimately end up alone. I wouldn’t mind being the crazy cat lady who enjoys tormenting unsuspecting strangers.  Then again I don’t like cats, more of a dog person. My therapist says I’m anti-social but I beg to differ; I’m just highly selective of who I talk to or not. It’s just that simple.

Today is the first day of school, high school that is. I don’t bother to even dress decent either. I wear my usual batman t-shirt, American Eagle jeans and green Converse sneakers. Most people would say I was a tomboy but I would have to disagree with them. I just don’t care about clothes. As I write all this in this stupid journal, that my therapist also gave me along with anti-depressant and anxiety drugs, I cringe at the thought of a new school year.

Everyone knows who I am. The rich smart girl with mental issues. Girls hate me and I don’t fancy them neither. I’m one of the dudes. My only friend is a German born gymnast named, Jessica. She’s the only girl who gets me. We love making fun of the pretty dumb girls who’s only purpose in life is to shop and people who give themselves labels, such as, nerds, geeks, ect.

I am a human being and that is all. Perhaps an intellectual savant at times but please don’t’ label me a nerd or a geek; it’s so constricting. Like an onion, I have many layers.

So, here I go, entering the unknown abyss every freshmen barely comprehends, high school. It won’t be pretty; there will be blood, sweat and tears and maybe a few psychotic episodes.

I’m sorry, let me introduce myself. My name is Beatriz. Beatriz Bentley. Wait, that didn’t sound like James Bond at all. Who cares, I’m not perfect (Yes, I am.)

Grandiose 16

“Elizabeth, what are you doing?!” Barbara screams at me. I keep my eyes closed, shivering, as she vigorously dries me off with a white towel. It feels like sand paper against my skin and I cringe at the touch of it.

            “It seems she needs more help than I thought,” I hear Kauffman say with a sigh. I pretend not to have heard him. I have been pretending many of things lately. Sometimes I imagine myself back in London helping mum with dinner while we laugh about silly things. Other times I think about Henry locked in that room strapped to a wheelchair. Nevertheless, reality creeps in like a cold breeze on a summer day and I find myself in my padded white room, alone.Image

Barbara quickly helps me put on my institution issued blue patient uniform. As she guides me out of the room, I slip a weak smile at Kauffman. He doesn’t smile back rather just nods his head. That’s when I notice Victoria and Demetrius walking about the grounds from the open window right behind Kauffman. They are holding hands.

This makes me angry but I act calm as to not upset Kauffman much further. I wonder what they are up to all the way back to my room. Dinner wouldn’t be ready for a couple hours, so I was stuck in there for a while.

I sprawl myself on the floor just staring at the ceiling lights. At first I’m slightly blinded but my eyes gradually adjust to them. I felt like I lay there for hours and thought dinner would not come soon enough. As time went by, I found myself in a trance. The lights danced in front of my eyes but I was oblivious to them. I was on a high induced by the erratic thoughts that now occupied my mind.

They consisted of Victoria and Demetrius. My suspicions about him were not without merit, after all. I now knew he could not be trusted since he was obviously in cahoots with Victoria. I reckon they’ve been planning their evil deeds against me since the beginning. It wasn’t enough that she drove me insane and ruined my life but now she wanted to hurt me even more.

I closed my eyes and let the darkness sink in. I heard and felt nothing. I was dead to the world and so it had gone on without me. Time has and continues to pass me by while I remain frozen in place. Then like an unexpected wave, an orchestra of 300 violins starts to play. They play so vehemently in my mind; growing louder and louder as smooth and beautiful as the calming sea.

Back home, the Elders would say that if you heard violins play in your sleep something magnificent was going to happen. It could either be something terrible yet magnificent or something great and magnificent. I wondered if the latter was true for me.

The symphony kept on playing even though my mind simultaneously transported me back to various flashbacks. Many from my past in England and a few from my time in New York like a really fast picture book. Then I heard the door open and the music stopped. I kept my eyes closed.

            “Time for Dinner” Demetrius barked at me. He was not in a good mood. I quickly pulled myself off the cold padded floor and followed Demetrius out of the room. He walked ahead of me while I stayed closely behind him in silence.

As I walked behind him, I could help but notice his broad shoulders and tattooed muscular arms. He twitched his neck to expose another tattoo on the right side of his neck. It was of a red dragon that ran down to the nape of his neck. I imagined he had about fifty tattoos over his entire body but couldn’t be too sure.

            “What are you looking at?” Demetrius scolds, startling me. I freeze.

            “Nothing” I respond with a gulp, my body starting to shake. He grabs my arms and pushes me against the glass wall. I feel the vibration against my back. I close my eyes.

            “Open your eyes!” He yells. I slowly open them and look into his green eyes. They are not warm but cold. He is cold. He squeezes my wrists but I do not cry out in pain. I pretend he is not hurting me.

            “Say something” He tells me with an evil grin. I don’t respond. He lets go of me.

            “Walk faster!” He says to me as he points towards the end of the hall. I slip past him and start walking ever so quickly towards the cafeteria. My body still trembles and my heart is pounding so fast that I fear I will drop of a heart attack. I could hear my heart pound as if a mad drummer had taken refuge in my soul.

            “Pace yourself” I suddenly hear my mum’s caring voice say to me. I take a deep breath at the thought of her. I try to fight the tears but they come down anyway. Then I really start to cry and fall to my knees, distraught. I don’t even notice the two orderlies coming from the right. They immediately assume I have gone mad and haul me off to the shock room. Demetrius never says a word nor raises a finger.

I scream at them to let me go but it doesn’t seem to help my case at all. They strap me to the cold steel slab, stick a rubber white stick between my teeth, and place a tube on each side of my head. The attending doctor then proceeds to shock me with fifty volts of electricity. My whole body shakes violently and I pass out within minutes. The violins start to play again. At first I can barely hear them but they grow louder and faster with each passing second.

            “Are you happy now?” Mum asks me as she brushes my hair. I smell her Chanel perfume and it makes me smile.

            “No, mum” I cry as I reach for her hand but she disappears. 

The Lesbian Diaries

“You will never be alone. Stop chasing shadows and just enjoy the ride.”

Those words stay in my mind like a stain that never fades. As I walked through the sturdy halls of BethenCourt High, I tried not to remember the horrors of last year. I still can hear Amy Winehouse’s, “You know I’m no good,” acoustically blasting from Natalie’s second floor dorm room. Her lifeless body hanging from the ceiling fan incessantly occupies my thoughts, torments me at night and I relive that horrific Halloween night every single day. Image

Natalie was my best friend and lover. It’s hard not to recall those bitter-sweet memories of us because I will always be reminded of them. 

We both attended a really strict, religious, all-girl boarding named BethenCourt High. It was a place for prominent affluent families to send their spoiled misbehaved girls to be reformed into respected educated women. There’s that stereotype or perhaps myth that an all-girl school spurs homosexuality but BethenCourt prided itself of not being sullied by what they called an abomination. 

“Homosexuality is a sickness,” said our prestigious headmaster, Mrs. Rosethorne during our first year orientation. She is a pit bull faced vicious woman who loves to wear pink. She is keen on enforcing strict and questionable policies that can’t ever be disputed. She runs the school like a dictator, even Hitler would be scared of her. Her white Persian cat, Bubbles, isn’t a peck of sunshine neither. 

“Hazel!” someone screamed out my name. I knew that voice; it was Natalie Singborg. It was our year at BethenCourt. We had both been out of control; doing drugs, partying too much and shopping too much so our parents shipped us off to BethenCourt. I turned around and she came running up to me. She planted a sweet kiss on my lips. A kiss I’ll never forget. 

I pulled away from her scared of who would see. “Aren’t you worried we will get in trouble?” I whispered, my heart skipping a beat. She just laughed.

“Did you miss me?”, Natalie asked.

“Of course,” I said.

We had our first class together so we walked there holding hands. News travels fast in BethenCourt so it was no surprise when we were called to the headmasters’ office during our first class. 

“Sickos!”, someone yelled out as we headed for Mrs. Rosethorne’s office. Rosethorne was furious. She didn’t even want to look at us. She immediately called our parents and sent us to counselors in hopes that they could cure us of our “sickness”. My  parents didn’t bother to come no call. Natalie’s parents were outraged and they blamed me for “infecting their daughter,” as they said. 

It was Natalie who had kissed me first. I don’t want to say she seduced me but she made the first move. I never paid any attention to guys in a romantic way, that is. I was always a tomboy and knew deep inside that I was a lesbian.

“How could you do this to our daughter?!”, Natalie’s mother screamed at me. I looked over at Natalie and she had tears in her eyes. Her mother hated her; she never wanted to have her. At that moment I just wanted to hold her. Then Rosethorne, as punishment, had our schedules changed and moved me down to the first floor dorm rooms. 

After that we were harassed for weeks. Girls would spit at us, throw our books from our hands, pull our hair and other evil things. We also received threatening emails and letters. Natalie started getting high every night and cutting herself. Her family had told her if she kept seeing me she was to be disowned. However, we still manged to sneak around and see each other.

The day before her death, we had walked through the school gardens. I should have known something wasn’t right. She seemed distant. Her eyes were puffy from all the crying and for a long moment we just embraced each other underneath the stars. 

The next day a shrilling scream came from the second floor. All the girls had been taking pictures of their Halloween costumes when they heard the screams. Everyone rushed up to discover Natalie’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling fan. When I saw her I just incessantly screamed. I think I passed out because I woke up in the medical ward. 

A strange letter lay on my stomach. It was vintage paper sealed with a red wax seal. I gliding my finger through it to open it. On it it read, “You’re not alone.” At that time, I didn’t know I was going to be part of a secret society that was as old as the school.

“You will never be alone. Stop chasing shadows and just enjoy the ride.” Those were the last words she said to me. They stay in my mind like a stain that never fades.