Grandiose 14

Near the garden maze entrance, I remained frozen and stared into its never ending abyss, for it was a perfect evening to get lost. On nights like this the trees shivered and dreaded the strong winds. The garden would come to life on these strange nights even though the moon’s light was scarce.Image

The trees would whisper silently as the over-grown wet grass tickled my bare feet. Something or someone deep inside the maze called out for me and I slightly stepped forward only to move backwards again. This was the second time that my room was left unlocked. It wasn’t an oversight anymore; it was deliberate. I couldn’t for the life of me remember how I managed to make my way to this part of the grounds. I think to myself that this must be a dream.

An old owl perched on a high branch of an old oak tree on the far-far right side of the garden hoots a sad song. After it was done it blew in the wind and the wind carried it away to a new land; a happier land I like to believe. It was a cold night even though the present humidity caused my hair to frizz; a cold shiver ran through my spine.

“Elizabeth” someone called out for me again from within the maze but yet again I remained frozen in the same place. I can’t move. It is like my bones have been turned to stone and my body has become part of the garden; as if I was a flesh statue.

From the air she would resemble a dark yet alluring fortress that would easily charm and lure you to your death. Many have nicknamed it, properly so, “The Siren”, because those foolish enough to enter it have never been found nor returned.

The side of her long structured well manicured arms, stretching out like angelic wings, was the most memorable part of the labyrinth, and most of the rest of her was covered by over-grown grass and wild flowers. Only toward her head where vintage Victorian statues and man-sculpted animal shaped shrubs had much enchantment, as she pretended to be an art form worthy of exaggerated admiration, creatively disguising her evil intentions.

She called out to me once more in a somewhat ethereal voice and again I remained frozen where I stood. It was like an invisible force was keeping me there, protecting me from her. Then the patient lock-down alarm shook me from her trance, reality sinking in again. They finally discovered my absence and a wave of relief swept over me.

I heard the orderlies shout out orders from a distance, their flashlights flickering in the dark.

“Follow procedure!”

“Bring her in safe and secure!” I heard Demetrius scold. I suppose he was their master now. I imagined him as Hitler shouting orders to his minions. I didn’t try to run or escape not for lack of trying or fear. I just couldn’t move.

“I found her!” I heard a loud raspy voice yell out. As if to break me from a spell, I slowly turned around to have a bright light being shined upon my face, briefly blinding me. The orderly was about a few inches shorter than me, had bloodshot red eyes and was stronger than he looked. He grabbed my right arm and yelled back again, “I have her!”  Then the real terror began.

Two orderlies dragged me back into the main building and somehow I knew they weren’t taking me back to my room. A scary silence took over the grounds that made my heart skip a couple beats. Only her fading whispers called out to me.

“Take me back to my room” I yelled, kicking my legs. My screams and pleading proved to be futile. In a manner of minutes I found myself in a well-lit white room strapped to a cold steel table drugged with two rubbery tubes placed on each side of my head. The light hurt my eyes and my mind swarmed with thoughts of her. She was in my mind now, tormenting me from afar. I shook my head to get rid of her. Still I heard her whisper my name in her oh so otherworldly tone of voice. I tried to occupy my mind with thoughts of Henry to escape her grasp.

“Doctor is she sedated” I heard a familiar voice ask. It was Kauffman.

“Yes, she is” an unfamiliar male voice responded.

“Shall we begin” he continued.

“Ye-Yes” Kauffman stuttered. A tingling sharp pain ran from my head down to my legs. I couldn’t scream because there was a thick white stick between my teeth. My whole body shook violently. The pain continued for half an hour and I thought I would die. After an hour, I blacked out. Even in my dormant state, there was still a buzzing sound in my head. I don’t know how long they kept me in that room, but when I came to, I found myself back in my room with the top half of my body constricted into the dreaded white jacket.

My long red hair lay wet and flat against my face while my legs trembled violently. This caused me to bite down on my lower lip. I felt the warm blood trickle down to my chin; suddenly finding myself licking at it like a cat mending a wounded paw. I was unaware of Victoria and Demetrius standing right outside my door peering at me through its window.

“You think that did the trick?” Demetrius asked Victoria in his strong Russian accent still staring at Elizabeth.

“We shall see soon enough but I don’t think I have to worry about her much longer” Victoria replied with a smirk.

“As discussed, we’re right on schedule” she continued, and then they both went off separately in opposite directions. A strong lavender aroma swept into Elizabeth’s room causing her eyes to jolt wide open from their weary state.

“Victoria!” she screamed repeatedly, the aroma stimulating her ever growing frustrations and madness.

Grandiose 10

Kauffman’session room smells like somebody smoked a hundred cigarretes. It makes me cough. Victoria opens the windows behind Kauffman’s desk and in a few minutes the room smells fresh again. Kauffman is late; he is never late. I find myself feeling worried.

Victoria didn’t handcuff me to the chair today, which has lifted my mood a bit. I feel free. My mind is empty; I have no thoughts to ponder upon. I don’t even think about Henry. I sit up straight with mother’s voice in my head telling me how good posture is important. She always instilled that upon me while growing up in London. How I missed her as I sat there looking out the window.

It was a rather warm January morning. A mockingbird chirped a song on a high branch of an oak tree right outside Kauffman’s session room. A brown rabbit searching for his morning grub lurked around the tree. I wondered if he had a family and how they waited patiently for him to come back. I hummed as the mockingbird sang it’s song and when it was done it flew away into the ocean blue sky. If only I could go outside and feel the sun on my skin. I desperately yearned to have the wind blow through my long red hair and flush my cheeks.

I suddenly hear Kauffman’s footsteps rushing towards the room. I know this by the clanking noise they make similar to a women’s pumps. They are annoying to hear but he doesn’t care what people think.

“I’m terribly sorry. I overslept.”Kauffman said breathlessly as he headed towards his desk. He did look tired; his eyes were puffy and dark. His clothes were wrinkled. Nevertheless, he managed to maintain his perfectly groomed dark brown hair, parted to the left. He always kept his hair well-groomed.

Victoria went over to him and started massaging his shoulders after he had sat down.

“There-there relax”She said to him.

“That does feel nice”Kauffman smiled with eyes closed. This angered me for some reason. Was I jealous? I quickly adverted my gaze to the window again, while Kauffman and Victoria went over notes.

I didn’t notice I had fallen into a trance; staring out the window. I was far away in my mind when I heard distant voices screaming my name. Gradually the voices grew louder; realizing it was Kauffman and Victoria announcing the start of the session. I shook myself back to the present.

“Now that we’re all back, let’s continue where we had left off the last time”Kauffman said to me.

“You were at your Uncle’s apartment” he continued.

“Yes” I replied.

“Let’s begin” Kauffman responded opening up his journal to a blank page as I began telling my story.

The next morning, Uncle Leo, had made us a big breakfast as well. That man really loved to cook. He made us French Toast, scrambled eggs, waffles and pancakes, freshly squeezed orange juice, oatmeal raisin muffins, fruit bowl with yogurt, coffee, strawberry milkshakes, bacon, sausages and grilled cheese sandwiches.

I took a bit of everything. It was so good. My jaw dropped when I saw how Victoria had stuffed her plate so high with food.

“Aren you really going to eat all of that” I asked her in total disbelief.

“Yes”she mouthed back with a mouth full of scrambled eggs and bacon. She did in fact eat it all and had herself a second helping. Uncle Leo was actually flattered by this. He urged me to eat more but I gracefully declined.

It was about 11 a.m. by the time we had left Uncle Leo’s apartment, bloated from the delicious breakfast we had just eaten. Before leaving, he had handed me a stack full of cash. At first I didn’t want to take it but I needed the money since I hadn’t found a job yet.

Outside the temperature was of Spring not of Winter at all that November morning while Victoria and I waited for our taxi. There wasn’t much people outside either. We didn’t have to wait long for the taxi; it arrived 10 minutes after we had called for it. There wasn’t much traffic so the trip home was a breeze.

Entering into our building’s main floor, we met with one of Victoria’s friends, named Alexis. She had been waiting for the elevator when we had entered. She had long blonde hair that reached her waist, wore a plum colored wool coat, black stockings and chocolate brown boots.

When she saw Victoria she smiled, “Victoria, how are you?!” she exclaimed as she rushed to give Victoria a hug.

“I’m fine, thanks. And you?”Victoria said to her. They talked for a few minutes until Alexis asked Victoria who I was.

“Where are my manners, Alexis, this is Elizabeth, my new roommate. She just moved here from England.”

“How do you do”Alexis smiled at me as she stretched out her hand for me to shake. At that moment, we heard the elevator doors open and I turned to face Henry. We smiled at each other. His ocean blue eyes glistening as the sun hit his face. I tried very hard not to blush.

“Fancy seeing you again”he said to me.

“Had an all-nighter, I see” he told me, pointing at my clothes. I tugged at my black sweater, slightly embarrased.

“Kind-of, we stayed over at my Uncle Leo’s apartment” I replied.

“What are you doing now? Want to grab coffee?” he asked.

“We just had a big breakfast at my Uncle’s, I don’t think I could fit anything anymore. Can I take a raincheck?” I laughed.

“Definitely, maybe later we can go out?” He smiled at me.

“Yes, maybe later”I smiled back.

“Here’s looking at you kid” He said to me as he hugged me goodbye. I watched him walk out the building and take a left down the street.

“Are you two a thing now?” Victoria said walking up behind me into the elevator.

“No, I just met him” I responded.

“It looks like he likes you” Victoria snorted.

“I don’t know…maybe” I replied.

“I can’t focus on that now, I have too many things to do” I continued.

“So serious” Victoria laughed. I didn’t bother to respond. Arriving at our apartment, I quickly headed towards my room remaining in there while I finished unpacking the rest of my luggage. It was well past four when I had finished unpacking and organizing my things.

Victoria didn’t know how to cook and I was too tired to do so-so we ended up ordering a pizza. We ate it while watching a movie in the living room with a bottle of red wine. We didn’t really talk much during the movie and after it was done, Victoria went to her room and stayed there the rest of the evening. I cleaned up and watched TV until midnight then went to bed.

I had hoped Henry would have come over but felt silly thinking about him. I didn’t know much about him and already had taken a shine to him.

“Did you ever go on a date with him? Kauffman asked suddenly, breaking my train of thought.

“Yes, but that’s later in the story” I said not looking at him.

“Have you remembered anything about the murder?” he asked me. This took me off guard and caused me to midly hyperventalate.

“No!”I yelled, starting to cry.

“I see…”he said, then called for Victoria to bring me my lunch. I wasn’t too sure about telling him the two visions I had been having where in one I hold a bloody bat and in the other a bloody knife while an unidentified man lays on the floor, dead. I couldn’t be sure that those visions or dreams were actual flashbacks.

I eat my lunch slowly, not wanting to talk with Kauffman anymore. He has been hostile to me for a few weeks now and I don’t like it at all. Victoria seems to be enjoying his sudden change in attitude towards me. I recoil in dismay. To my surprise, kauffman decides to end the session early and am left in the community room with a few other patients. I don’t talk to them. I sit on a brown sofa near a large glass window facing the grounds.

I stare out the window, thinking about how tired looking Kauffman had been. I was worried about him. He wasn’t himself these days. Now I find myself watching the other patients go about the community room but lose interest quickly.

“Junior,” a fifth year patient, waves to me from a chess table across the room.We called him “Junior” because he is a second generation patient. His father had been emitted here many years ago. He plays by himself. I smile at him. He sports a shaved head, an over-sized black t-shirt and blue asylum issued pajama pants. He wore no shoes.

In my periphery, I see Molly walking towards me.

“You can go back to your room until we come get you for dinner” she says to me. I slowly make my way to my room. As I make a right turn towards the hallway that leads to my room, I see him. Henry. He is by the exit doors that lead down to the basement. He smiles at me then disappears through the exit doors. I run after him. I make my way down to the basement screaming for Henry. He is nowhere to be found in the dimly lit maze.

I soon realize that I am lost and start to cry. Then I feel strong warm hands grab at my shoulders and turn me around to face Kauffman. He holds me tight to his chest and I let myself be soothed by his embrace. He is kind and gentle as he leads me to his office for a cup of hot Chamomile tea.

I tell him what happened and he just nods. He walks over to his disc player and soon it starts to play an old American Swing song. He comes over to where I am sitting and pulls me up by my hands to dance. He twirls me around and I laugh like a school girl. Then he pulls me close and kisses me on my forehead. He traces his fingers on my lips and I pull away.

I open my eyes and find myself in my room on the floor, shivering. It was just a dream.

Grandiose (1)

(I’m in my head)

 

I’m not crazy, he was real.Image

 

How could he not be?

 

I touched him…

 

Locked in surrounded by the four padded white walls, I long to escape and find him. They say I’m not right and must remain in this awful place. I don’t know how I got in here; they said I did terrible things to people. How could I? I don’t remember.

 

“Elizabeth” someone speaks softly but I pretend I don’t hear them. My eyes are closed because the harsh light hurts my eyes.

 

“Would you like me to dim the lights?” the person asks. It’s a man; I can tell. His voice is soft and sweet just like my Henry.

 

“Yes, please” I respond.

 

“Now, there you may open your eyes” he tells me. I slowly open my eyes. As I look around I realize the walls are not padded here but they are dark. I’m restrained as always by the white jacket and feel the cold from the steel chair. My long unwashed red hair covers my face and soon his warm hands are pushing it back behind my ears.

 

I glance up to see deep sea blue eyes staring at me with such warmth. He has dark brown hair and finely chiseled features. He is wearing an old brown blazer with a blue wrinkled collar shirt, dark wash jeans, and brown boots.

 

“There, now we can start” he gushed as he headed back to his chair a few feet from where I was sitting. I tilted my head to the left as I examined him.

 

“Are you ok? You seem distant.” He asked me.

 

“Yes, I’m-I’m here” I kind of stuttered.

 

“I’m Loren Kauffman; I’ll be your psychiatrist during your time here.”

 

“Why am I here?” I whined.

 

“Yes, they say you don’t remember what you did” Kauffman’s voice trailed off as my mind raced and I went into a trance. It was only for a moment but I saw myself holding a bat as I hit at something or someone over and over. I couldn’t make it out; it was all so blurred. I felt someone shaking me and I lost the image.

 

“Don’t go away without me” Kauffman smiled at me. I completely disregarded what I thought I saw because I couldn’t be sure it actually happened.

 

“So, let’s get started” Kauffman exclaimed.

 

“Tell me about yourself”

 

“A gentleman wouldn’t keep me tied like this. Surely you know this?” I probed.

 

“I’m sorry my dear but I can’t release you from your bounds” Kauffman replied.

 

“I can’t be here, I have to find him!” I screamed.

 

“Find who?” Kauffman asked in an intrigued tone.

 

“Henry” I blushed.

 

“Who is this Henry?” he asked. At first I was reluctant to further discuss the topic but he was willing to listen and I could not pass up the chance of divulging my deep admiration for my precious, Henry.

 

“He’s a gentleman.” I smiled.

 

“Really, tell me more” Kauffman urged.

 

“Well, he is handsome, kind, smart, and funny” I rambled on.

 

“Where did you meet?” he inquired. The question actually startled me because somehow I did not expect it.

 

“It’s a long story” I smiled.

 

“I’ve got a lot of time” Kauffman smiled back. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I recalled my first encounter with Henry. Suddenly, I was transported back to that day and so the story begins.

Grandiose

Elizabeth, a young woman, in her early 20’s, moves to New York from England, to become an actor. Becoming an actor in New York, was not going to be easy but for some reason everything was going her way until she met Victoria Quinn. Victoria was Elizabeth’s roommate and she was terribly jealous of Elizabeth’s life. Victoria had a dark past and was keen on making Elizabeth’s life miserable, even drive her insane. It all started when Elizabeth met Henry, the trust fund handsome gentleman that wanted to be an actor. Victoria couldn’t take it anymore, she wanted to take everything away from Elizabeth, and so she started gaslighting Elizabeth and drove her insane. Henry is nowhere to be found and Elizabeth is put into an asylum. The thing is there is more to this story that meets the eye, this had happened before a long time ago before any of them were ever born, in England. It’s funny how history repeats itself. 

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However, this time, Elizabeth has the help of a very clever therapist named, Loren. She slowly puts the pieces together.