Black and White Reruns

I saw her staring at me from her 5^th floor apartment window.  Abruptly, I lost my balance on the curb and fell backwards onto the street. I lay there for a while nursing my head. When I finally decided to get up; I looked up to the window again, but she was gone. It was a cold Saturday night and I walked home with a heavy heart.

As I walked home, my mind re-played the events that happened that day. I had found out where my run-away good for nothing mother had been living since she had left me when I was only 3 years old. I had been pacing in my apartment, a few times, rehearsing what I would say to her. Eventually, I had put on my leather jacket and walked out the door. Her address wasn’t hard to find; for she only lived a mile away from mine. I was sweating profusely by the time I was standing in front of her door.  I stood there for a while. I thought I was going to black-out.

“Get a grip!” I told myself. I knocked at her door. She opened after several minutes. When she saw me, it was like the color drained from her face. We stood there looking at each other in that inevitable awkward moment. Then to my surprise she smiled. “Come in,” she gestured. Her apartment smelled off cinnamon and tobacco. It was also very messy. She had magazines and books scattered everywhere. I was about to sit down on one of her brown leather sofas but she stopped me. “Don’t bother, this will be a quick visit” she said.  It was quick. She told me that she never wanted to have children. I was just an unfortunate mistake. She said she was sorry but she could never be a mother to me and then she kicked me out. I had pictured this encounter in a totally different way. I didn’t even say a word to her. I just walked out.

I fell asleep on my leather brown sofa that night with clothes and all. I woke up early to black and white reruns. It’s a shame that it wasn’t a dream.  “I hate you!” escaped from my mouth. I couldn’t believe she jilted me like that. The recollections I had of that day faded as the day progressed. I really didn’t cry much. I guess the bottle of Grey Goose numbed my pain. I took a cold shower even though it was 20 degrees outside. I wanted to feel something different. In the kitchen, I made myself an egg, ham, and cheese sandwich and planted my self on the couch as the colors faded from my reality. As the black and white rerun faded to black, so did I.