Necessary

 It is necessary. That was my mother’s favorite word. She said it to me so many times that I believe it was actually my first word. It was not the common baby words like “momma” or “dada”, but necessary.

            “It is necessary that you keep your back straight when you walk, Katherine. Good posture is key.” She would say. One of the many necessary things that she sought to instill in me. My mother was a lovely woman but sometimes I just wanted to strangle her. She was strong and sophisticated. She walked with that strong essence with her back straight and head held up high, “like a woman should walk.” She owned her own business and raised three girls all by herself because father died when I was born. Mother said his heart gave out and so he never got to meet his baby girl, me.

I am the baby of the family, as well as, the black sheep of the family. I suppose that’s why mother lectured me the most about what was necessary. So when mother was diagnosed with cancer, I couldn’t believe how such a strong vibrant woman could become so fragile and pale. She still scolded me though.

“It is necessary that you get a real job, find a good man that loves you, and have some kids, Katherine.”  Her eyes piercing mine as she said this. Her voice was stern but yet delicate. I knew that she only wanted the best for me, but all I wanted was to be a musician. My other two sisters, Sarah and McKenzie, were married, had children, and successful careers. I was still pursuing my music career.

In her last moments, she asked to be with me alone. I thought she was going to instruct me once more on how to live my life and I dreaded it. I sat beside her by her hospital bed looking into her hazel eyes as tears ran down her face. Her golden brown hair lay messy around her pillow. “I only wanted the best for you-you are my baby girl. I will love you no matter what-you know that, Katherine.” Her voice cracked and she seemed to fade from reality.

“Please mom don’t go!” I heard myself scream at her, but she was gone. I just sat there crying with my back straight (as she so instructed) because good posture is key, but at that moment to the contrary it was so unnecessary.